he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
