I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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