if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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