about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
