Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
