I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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