So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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