I wish my penis had an off switch
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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