I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
