my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
two words: eviction party
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
