And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
