if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
