I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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