so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
