I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
