My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
