I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
