The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
