Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
