Moan for me like Helen Keller
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
