im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
