i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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