I cockslap morals
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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