I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
