If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
