you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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