so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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