Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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