I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
