Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
