When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize