There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
