I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
