i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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