I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
