There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
