Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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