five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
