So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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