your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she peed on how many people?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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