Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Panties = found
Randomize
