Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
