I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
