When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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