If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
