At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
