so that wasnt chicken after all
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
