yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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