I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
