bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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