the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
