hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
