youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
